At The Yellow Tulip Project, we believe that sharing our stories can break down stigma and remind others that they are not alone. We are deeply grateful to Dr. DeShaun Williams for bravely opening up about his journey with mental health, resilience, and hope. His words shine a light on the power of vulnerability, truth-telling, and the everyday practices that keep us moving forward.
Thank you, DeShaun, for sharing your story with the YTP community.
My name is Dr. DeShaun Williams. I am an international award-winning author, speaker, and mental health writing specialist—however, before all of that I was a young man trying to survive.
I attempted suicide in 2018. I honestly believed that ending my life was the only way to escape the pain. I had been given a diagnosis of major depressive disorder, anxiety, and ADHD, however, the crushing feeling of hopelessness, following a long battle with pain wearied my heart. Surviving that night forced me to begin confronting one fact that I did not want to acknowledge—my life has value even when I couldn’t feel it.
The suicidal thoughts did not disappear. For a long while they hovered like a dark cloud and stole the last bit of energy that I had left while convincing me nothing would ever change. Suicidal ideation can be draining—I don’t think people often consider just how exhausting it can be. It steals your focus, disconnects you from others, and can weigh heavily on so many facets of life.
What helped me to push back was simply speaking my truth. Journaling became an escape—it became a safe place to engage in brutal honesty without fear. Eventually, the more I wrote, I started to unravel my pain and slowly stripped it of its power.
And the stigma surrounding mental illness—especially for men being told that saying I was struggling was weak. I have learned that it’s one of the most courageous things that you can do. I’ve heard, “You don’t look depressed,” and, “Just pray it away,” and I have fought those untruths by living openly and creating safe spaces for others to do the same.
Resilience is, in some every day sense, making it through the days that you believed would destroy you, or joy is maybe waking up to another sunrise that you didn’t believe you’d see. If you’re reading this right now and are carrying your own storm, I want you to hear me – your story is not done. You are not on the last page of whatever chapter you’re in. There are still pages to turn, and there’s still a reason to stick around for life.
I wasn’t supposed to be here to tell this story, but here I am to live my story.”
